Death to Supermom. For Real.

Posted by on Dec 19, 2013 in Parenthood, Uncategorized | 3 comments

I recently read an article by a mom celebrating the death of the Supermom. The article begins with the author describing how the beds in her house go unmade and she just can’t afford to eat all organic right now. Sigh. This writer was a self-proclaimed recovering Martha Stewart type who realized when she slipped off her bathroom counter that she was perched on in heels trying to get rid of a smudge on her mirror before over 100 people came to her house for a party that she just couldn’t do it all.

Honestly, these blogs, bloggers, and “honest moms” are everywhere these days. Boohoo. You’re not supermom. Heels? Worried about a smudge on the mirror? Seriously? Try this:

  • When Baby T was an infant, sleeping comfortably in the wrap, I went to the bathroom and the tails of the wrap went right into the toilet. I wrung them out with a towel and continued to wear the wrap. I was not going to wake up my baby.
  • I haven’t evenlookedat heels in 4.5 years. In fact, I recently decided to splurge on a pair of cute boots, only to experience excruciating pain in the ball of my foot after 5 minutes. Turns out I have a bunion. Yeah, no heels for me.
  • When driving in the car with my kids, I have been known to say, “No I can’t pick up the {food, toy, glasses, drink, shoe, pencil, lego man} that you dropped on the floor. Do you want me to crash? If we CRASH, we will DIE! Do you want us toDIE?”
  • Our carpets are dotted and dripped and dashed with just about every substance known to man. God knows what’s on our mirrors.
  • I used to clean the floorboards before my parents/in-laws came to visit. Now I’m not even sure I take dirty underwear off the doorknob.
  • My kids get in the cabinet that holds all of our plastic water bottles and play “bartender.”
  • I’m lucky if I get a shower. Ever. I’m not kidding. Dry shampoo is the best invention ever.
  • I turned around my son’s doorknob when he turned 3 because I had no idea how to handle his tantrums.
  • My first son has a beautiful photobook of his first year. My second son has had maybe only 6 photos printed of him in his whole life.
  • I speak fluent Spanish. Yet my kids have learned more Spanish from Diego than from me.
  • Little M has definitely run around the urgent care before with blood dripping from an accidental head wound. (And by run, I literally mean he was fine–running up and down the hallways. Man, those head wounds bleed).
  • I use my “monster voice” (as the kids call it) waaaay too often.
  • Not only do my kids eat fast food way too much, they are actually checking on the progress of a new McDonald’s being built around the corner from work and were very excited to see that it was all lit up today. You would think someone was building the Taj Mahal in our town.

I had my own Kill-the-Supermom moment the other morning:

I had to take a sick kid to a babysitter, the other kid to school, and run by work to make sure everything was cool before an eye doctor appointment I had put off for almost a year by wearing my disposable contacts for 2 months instead of 2 weeks. I was trying to get the kitchen relatively clean and pack lunches. I had it in my head that I was going to throw a piece of meat in the crockpot so we could eat something other than quesadillas for dinner. Well, as I dragged the crock pot off a very high shelf, the glass top crashed to the floor and shattered. I yelled a lot of obscenities (thank goodness the kids were already in the car), closed the door to the room the glass was in, and put a “Do not Enter” sign on it.

Running through my head were the following thoughts: I’m going to have to leave my busiest day at work to show up at preschool at 11AM for my kids’ Christmas performance tomorrow. What if I can’t make it and they look into the audience and don’t see anyone there?; I never signed up to bake cookies for the preschool celebration that’s taking place after the performance (do some moms actually have time to do this?); Remember to unplug the Christmas lights; remember to unplug the hair straightener; did I pack the fever medication for the babysitter just in case?; Do my kids have jackets on? Do they even need jackets?; is it 80 degrees or 30 degrees outside–I have no idea; what am I going to do with my sick kid all afternoon at work?; what am I going to do with the other kid all afternoon at work?; how will I make dinner without the crock pot?; Do my kids have enough packed for lunch/snack/snack/2nd lunch/snack/snack/snack during the day?

And you see, while my mind was running off on me, I was also thinking, “I can’t do it. I just can’t do it.” Dreams of Mexico dancing in my head.

But, in fact, I did it. We are all alive, and I surprisingly had a ton of patience today. In fact, while lounging in the chair at the eye doctor reading People magazine, I wondered, “Why are all these doctors and nurses bustling around in such a hurry?”

But every day does not end up with that much patience and peace. Actually, most days do NOT. Most days leave me questioning how people have more than 2 kids, why that mom at preschool smells so good and how her son doesn’t have perma-bedhead like mine. Most days leave me questioning who I am. I am not the supermom I thought I would be. Like really really really not the supermom I thought I would be. So when other moms are sighing about how they only shower once a day now and they only shop at Whole Foods once a month, I’m partly revolted and partly jealous because I’m cramming a Big Mac in my mouth while passing french fries to the boys in the back seat to stop them from beating each other up on the way to drop them off at school while we’re 30 minutes late.

3 Comments

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  1. Happy Ballerina Mama

    Gaby,

    I love it! You just described every day in my life too. Fantastic. The great part about what you do though is that you care enough to even think about these things that go undone. That is a true Supermom…consciousness. Some parents don’t even stop to think about a coat, or dinner for later…the fact that you do excuses the monster voice any day. You are an amazing mom and business owner…two full time jobs, and you rock it. Dry shampoo and all.

  2. Diane B.

    I’m so there with you. I use to be uber neat and clean. You couldn’t breath on my kitchen before I was whipping it down.. My closet was organized by size and color, my shoes were lined up and shinny. I had my nails done and eyebrows waxed every other week. Now days with a 4yo and a 2yo and one on the way. That entire life is a fading memory. Now days I’m lucky to shower. It’s all about cooking, washing, chasing the kids, dirty diapers, play dated, a 20 stop at the play ground while running errands. … yea, I hear you…

  3. Jamie Z.

    Gaby,
    Story of my life… Glad to know it ok to be human and not perfect! I’ve missed you guys and I can’t wait for Andrew to start the preschool program :) see you soon!

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